Not a joke but a cute limerick:

There was a young lady of Twickenham
Who thought men had not enough prick in 'em.
On her knees every day
To God she would pray
To lengthen and strengthen and thicken 'em.

:whiteghos

Okay, here's a joke:

A farmer in Montana was driving along a country road when he came across a hitchhiker. Stopping and picking up the young man he asked where he was from.

“San Francisco,” replied the young guy in a somewhat feminine sounding voice.

A little way down the road the farmer saw a ewe with it’s head caught in the forked posts of a fence. “Ever had one of those before,” asked the farmer?

“No,” replied the young man.

Stopping the truck the farmer went over behind the ewe and had his way with the poor beast. When he got back to the truck he asked if the young man wanted to try that.

“Okay,” said the young man walking over and putting his head in the forked posts of the fence.

There was a young man of the Cape,
On a maiden committed a rape.
Said she, "You are a damned shit,
You can't fuck a bit,
And you're knocking my quim out of shape."

The Pearl, selections of Victorian erotica

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The Phantom is dead,
Long live the The Phantom.

Old jungle saying..............

Lee Falk

Gay couple went to the Zoo, one of them falling enamoured of a

large, hairy, very well endowed gorilla.

He climbed over the wall and fronted the ape.

The ape picked him up and carried him into the cave.

Screams and groans for a few hours as the ape has his wicked way.

Rescued, the victim sat for weeks, silent.

Finally, his partner asked if he was hurt.

"Hurt, Hurt? Of course I'm hurt! He doesn't ring, he doesn't write, he......"

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

Couple more funnies for you all

There was a young lady from Leith
Who would circumcise men with her teeth
It wasn't for fame
Or love of the game
But to get at the cheese underneath.

There was a young actress from Crewe
Who remarked as the vicar withdrew
The Bishop was quicker
And thicker and slicker
And two inches longer than you.

There was a young plumber from Lee
Who was plumbing his girl with great glee
She said stop your plumbing
I think someone's coming
Said the plumber still plumbing "its me"!

There was a young fella from Harrow
Who had one as big as a marrow
He said to his tart
Try this for a start.
My balls are outside on a barrow.

and finaly

There once was a fellow named Dave
Who dug up a whore from her grave
She was mouldy as shit and missing a tit
But think of the money he saved.

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FussyPucker

There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't...

Sarcasm: It's not big and it's not clever...........but it's funny as fuck!

The Special One!

OMG FussyPucker...Those are great *ROTFLMAO* TY for sharing them

*Clint

A guy goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me. My penis is orange."
The Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check. Damned if the guy's penis isn't orange. Doc tells the guy, "This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a lot of stress in a person's life."
Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, "How are things going at work?" The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks ago. The doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress. The Guy responds, "No. The boss was a real asshole, I had to work 20-30 hours of overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening. I found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, I'm getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a really great guy."
So the doc figures this isn't the reason. He asks the guy, "How's your home life?" The guy says, "Well, I got divorced about eight months ago." The doc figures that this has got to be the reason for all of the guys stress. The Guy says, "No. For years, all I listened to was nag, nag, nag. God, am I glad to be rid of that old bitch."
So the doc takes a few minutes to think a little longer.
He inquires, "Do you have any hobbies or a social life?"
The guy replies, "No, not really. Most nights I sit home, watch some porno flicks and munch on Cheetos."

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Do any of you girls like cowboys?



I'm at work and the firewall won't let me chat, Sigh...PM's and e-mail ok

Do you know what a Yankee is?


Same thing as a quicky, but a man can do it by himself

7 year old, little Johnnie, confronts his girlfriend, Julie's, father. Little Johhny tells the man, "Mr. Smith, Julie and I are in love and we want to get married."

Julies father, Mr. Smith thinks this is the most adorable thing so he humors the little boy and tells him, "Getting married is a very big step Little Johnnie. Where do you and Julie plan to live?"

Little Johnnie answers, without hesitation, "Well, Julies room is bigger than mine so I can move in with her and we will have plenty of room."

Mr. Smith's smile broadens even more thinking how adorable this is, "Well, then how will you live? You don't have a job to support her."

Johnnie quicky spouts out, "Well, Julie's allowance is 4 dollars a week and mine is 6. That is 40 dollars a month and I think that will do nicely."

Thinking that the little boy has thought this out very carefully, he decides he will stump him with a question, "Well, what do you plan to do when you have babies?"

Little Johnnie says, "Well, so far, we've been lucky."

Young David was sitting in class one day when his teacher asked him a question. "If a farmer has 12 cows and shoots 5, how many cows are left?"

David responded, "None, teacher." "No, David, there would be seven." "No mam, if you shoot one cow, all of the other cows get scared away, so you would have none left."

" Well, that's not exactly right, but I like the way you're thinking."

Then David says,"Ok, I have a question for you. Three women are eating pops. One is licking her pop, one is biting it, and the other is sucking it. Which woman is married?"

His teacher replies, " Well, it is the one sucking the pop."

"No, it's the one with a ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"

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more than a handful

two boys are standing outside a whorehouse and they watch the men going in with long faces and $20 dollar bills in their hand,when the men come back out they are all happy and smiling.The one boy says to the other, man whatever is in their must be good lets go in and see. Once inside the one boy says to the maddam I want whatever the last guy got. She looks down at the boy and says how much money do you have, well I have a dollar. So she thinks for a moment and takes his dollar, then she runs her finger up and down her pussy for a minute and puts it to his nose. When they leave the other boy says well how is it. Well the little boy says I don't think I could handle $20 dollars of that

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mc

At a hill country wedding everyone is stunned when the grooms father storms to the front of the church and calls off the wedding.When asked the reason why,it seems that the groom was very nervous about his wedding night and how to behave.When he confided to his father that the soon to be bride was a virgin,at the ripe old age of 12,that ended the festivities.The reason?"Well,if she ain't good enough for kinfolk then By God she ain't good enough for my son!"

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The name says it all!

There was an old man from Netuckit
Whos dick was so long he could suck it
As he wiped his chin
He said with a grin
If my ear was a cunt I would fuck it.

Over the hill came Piss Pot Pete
with 40 pounds of hangin meat
As he laid her down in the deep dark grass
he started fucking her in the ass
The she blew a great big fart
and blew his balls wide apart
Back over the hill came Piss Pot Pete
With 40 pounds of Shreaded Meat.

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My girl is bowlegged, cause I like to eat with my hat on.

Arriving late in the evening a newlywed couple checked into a fishing resort for the honeymoon.
Tired they went to bed and the groom was up and out at five to go fishing.
He comes back at night for dinner at 5 and eats alone in the dining room, has a few drinks and goes to bed at closing.
Day two the same things happen...up and out at 5, back at 5, dining room till closing and then off to bed.
The owner notices this and he feels it is a puzzling way to spend a honeymoon.
Day three arrives and the groom goes once again fishing at 5 in the morning and returns at 5 in the evening. The owner follows him into the dining room to see if his bride is going to join him. Needless to say she doesnt and so at closing the owner ventures over to the young man and says " Arent you on your honeymoon?" The man replies "yes sir, why?"
The owner goes on to explain that he found it odd that his new wife never leaves the room and all he does is fish...The owner says that he should be up in the room fucking his new bride.
The young man replies...she can't fuck for she has syphillis. The owner says...then have her give you blow jobs, to which the young man replies...She cant sir, she has pyrreha...Frustrated the owner says then for gods sake man fuck her in the ass.!!!! The young man shakes his head and tells him that he cant do that either for she has piles...Completely frustrated the owner of the resort yells at him...THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU MARRY THE WOMAN THEN??????

To which the young man calmly replies, "Well sir, it's like this. I love fishing and she's got worms!"

OMGGGGGGG.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..........LMAO!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!

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~ Nikki ~

"In love there are no rules".......Bono