Missy here. My boyfriend and i have been talking about bringing in a woman into our relationship as a one shot deal only. This has been a very strong fantasy he has had for a long time
(don't most men...lol) The thing is I am 100 percent heterosexual and i am not into women at all but after a flat out NO to him for so long I have been reconsidering. So we have been seriously talking about this but trying to attempt this isn't exactly easy. Plus I have a few conditions that will definatly need to apply or I just will not do it. First it started out with him only wanting to watch a woman go down on me but the problem is there is no way I will go down on any woman. Now the biggest problem I have is that NO WAY could I see my man with another woman it would just hurt me way too much. So where do you find the right person for something like this because it can not be anyone either of us knows and wouldn't be seeing again. Where would we even go to find someone. Is there any professional places you could call or any websites?


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Missy

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Missy

I don't have any suggestions as to where you could find someone, but I do have an opinion about this...

Missy - don't do it. You aren't ready, and may never be ready - and there is nothing wrong with that at all. If you aren't comfortable with it, and have said no for reasons very important to you then don't give in. You say it would hurt you too much to see your bf with another woman - well, that is what a threesome is all about. I have a difficult time believing that he would just stand/sit/crouch whatever and just watch.

First and foremost, please yourself. Don't change attitudes, beliefs, actions just to please someone else. It isn't worth it. Your boyfriend should respect your feelings on this matter and back away from it instead of "guilting" you into doing something that you may regret.

If you do this to make your boyfriend happy, then you will continue to do things to make him happy - even though you may not like it.... you will end up loosing yourself.

I do not say this lightly - I have been there/done that and will not do it again.

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A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

Well Cheyanne just gave you a typical women’s view. Now from a man’s view point I can tell you she’s spot on. Yep. I’m sorry to say that for all the reasons she just gave you AND the fact that he will be disappointed and even more frustrated IF it could happen under the conditions that are only possible for you.

You don’t have to read around Pixies too much to see that while we are all here because we are passionate sexual people, we ALSO are with our emotions. A quick search will show this topic has been discussed a number of times here and while the sensuality can be VERY exciting and rewarding, the consensus, even among us pervs, is that ALL parties have to truly be into it for the black and white reality to match the technicolor fantasies:lust: we enjoy.

As the man in a number of group encounters, I can say that it just doesn’t work if ANY of the people involved are doing it FOR the other. It’s only good when you can do it WITH your partner.

Just one repeated opinion.

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PS

Cheyanne! Your collection of avatars is driving me crazy.














please don't stop.:lust:

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I agree with the others. No way should you go along with something that is only going to upset you. You could always say to him that you want an extra guy or four extra guys and see how he reacts to that. Nothing like the shoe on the other foot to make someone wake up.

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Half of a set :halo:

Stand up for you, Missy. If this isn't your gig, DON'T DO IT! He will soon be your ex-boyfriend if you do it. And if he still keeps harping on this fantasy, he may need to be your ex-boyfriend.

Testosterone works in mysterious ways. Stand your ground.

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"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."
- Voltaire (1694-1778)

"I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them."
- Ian L. Fleming (1908-1964)

As usual, I agree with Cheyanne. Strangely, I agree with PF.

I don't even want to think about how the threesome would be possible under the conditions you'd be comfortable with and I don't mean that in a critical way.

I've come back to this thread twice and, if I may read between the lines, see that you want to please him yet don't want to do a threesome.

Why don't you both just watch some porn while you're having sex or even talk about another woman while you're having sex. (Sample convo example: What would she be doing to you right now? She'd be ___ on my ____, etc.)

Thank you for all the replies. I don't think I was specific enough he is NOT forcing me or giving me any ultimatums at all. He isn't telling me I have to do anything I am not comfortable with.

My concerns are very real because it is very easy to say that everything with be ok after the act takes place but I am almost positive that when i do go ahead and do this I know for sure he will lose all respect for me and won't want to be with me anymore.
I know a few couples who have done this and it has ruined every single one of their relationships. Again, he is NOT forcing me to do anything. He told me if it happens great but if it doesn't then that is fine too but I know deep down he would really want me to do this. It isn't something that any couple should jump into lightly but the one question that keeps popping into my head is that I am obviously not enough for him and that is what hurts and bothers me. I am not 100 percent against the whole idea I am simply more concerned about the after effect which no one knows what that will end up being like until after it happens and that is what scaresme to death. I have to admit that since this issue has come up It has made me take a hard look at my relationship and what it has been based on and as much as I care and love him there have been some things that make me very sad. Then again maybe this will bring us closer together but I haven't made any decisions as of yet.

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Missy

You sound even less keen on the idea in your post then you did in the first. It would not work, so don't let it eat away at you. What would YOU like to do to spice up your relationship?

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Half of a set :halo:

Anouther mans view, doesn't sound to me like you are ready, and if you are, you could be right as to the outcome of it.
As a man, yes I would love for my wife and I to take part in a three some or four, but it is just a fantasy and some fantasies are beter left as fantasies. Safer that way, and the emotions don't get involved then, or not as much.
Don't do it for him, do it for you "IF", you "REALLY" want to and only then. Also if you decide to be ready for the consiquences afterwards, they may or may not be good.

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"There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that." (Lewis Grizzard)

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Hi Catch...Well we do have a pretty good sex life. There are some things that can use improvement as in any relationship I guess. Before i was with him I didn't do anywhere near half of what i do now and i am glad about that becasue he makes me feel pretty good the majority of the time. I like making videos, taking pics ( there are some posted on here) only thing that bugs me is the lack of emotion at times. When a woman is with a man she really cares deeply about she need to feel really loved and cared about during sex and not like she is only there just for the sake of doing it. Sometimes men don't understand that. Like for me I don't mind quickies but it can't be limited to only real fast quickies every single time. That can be a real turn off because it makes me feel like i am only a body and not a person. I guess it all comes down to who we choose to be intimate with and how we allow ourselves to be treated. Any suggestions on how to really spice things up?

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Missy

Have you done role-play? Even if there was another warm body in the room he may still just be the same. It would be two quickies instead of one.

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Half of a set :halo:

May I interrupt?
I have the same problem, my wife, as I guess is with most all women, likes and needs what you said you need. But it is difficult for men, or some men to do that or be that way most of the time. It is bad, and I wish it were differant. But most men, it is in there genetics, to reproduce as much as possible, hence the lack of being romantic most of the time. We just like to jump right into it and have fun, not cuddle and such, that is where we are lacking, something most men have to really work at for the womens sake and satisfaction.

My opinion, although it my be wrong?
Sorry if it is.

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"There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that." (Lewis Grizzard)

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.
E. E. Cummings

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Colbalt....Your opinion is absolutely not wrong and is just fine with me. I have to say it takes a "Real" man to admit his faults and it was very nice to read what you wrote. Yes, I understand that it may be hard for certian men to open up emotionally and want to kiss, cuddle etc. As for me I don't need or expect to be cuddled or be romanced 100 percent of the time but every now and again would be nice a little reassurance to make a woman feel special goes such a very long way. At least for me it does it's the same as when I am upset or hurt about something I don't always have to sit and discuss things to death all it takes for me is a sweet gentle little kiss, hug etc. The problem is when you never ever get those things it kinda makes me feel like I am only there for convience only during sex and all I am is a body not a person. This makes me very sad and afraid because if it is always going to be this way then eventually I know after I can't tolerate it anymore I am going to be left with choices to make and that doesn't seem fair. Can I ask you a question if you don't mind? If you are aware of your wifes needs why not do something about it? Relationships are not easy but what really amazes me isn't the person we choose to be in our lives worth the effort? I know myself that I do so much and not becasue I am forced to or feel obligated, I do it because I want to and because it makes me feel good knowing I am making somone else feel good. When the same is not returned to me I can't help but feel unimportant and that my feelings do not matter. I am no where near a selfish person and i never could be so I guess i find it very hard to understand why things are the way they are. The one thing I am sure of is that it isn't anything that I am doing wrong and it isn't a problem where I need change but what it comes down to is how much longer am I able to do without the lack of intimacy.

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Missy

You could always compromise and invite an extra man into your bed instead. That should sort his problems out.