The back-up beeper on the concrete truck that woke me up this morning

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"Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead."


Live Life, hearses don't come with luggage racks.
The second mouse always gets the cheese

My bathroom scale isn't working.

And no, it's definitely not because I got so fat that I broke the thing.

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It takes a gutless mouse to play only when the cat's away.

No love, no friendship, can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever. ~~ Francois Mocuriac

Confucius say, "He who masturbate into cash register come into money."

An optimist looks at the glass and says it's half full. A pessimist looks at the glass and says it's half empty. A Cubs fan looks at the glass and says, "When's it gonna spill?"

Deus Impetitio Esuritori Nullus

Me being computer stupid.

The company I work for...................of course the upper management did'nt show like they said they would.

Drivers who are in such an all-fired hurry to pull out in front of me, so they can drive slowly & hold me back

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Plug me into somethin'

If the theory does not conform to the facts, then the facts must be discarded.

No good deed ever goes unpunished

Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level, & beat you with experience.

Being woke up 2 hours early because some stupid outside cat decided to hunt bunnies in our front yard. Could'nt let our cat in the porch for fear of other cat wanting to try and get into porch and hurt our cat like one other time.
And to top it off, I have a 4 hour keyholder meeting this AM and after its over I have to drive down to the store so the other gal can go to the next session. If I have figured it out right, the other gal will be getting there late for the next session as both of us cannot make a 55 minute drive in the same time frame. I hate this company.

The scale being up by 2 lbs.

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Life is too short not to love and be loved....preferably multiple times in one night.

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them. ~ Jay McInerney

Recalibrate

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Still haven't heard back from the plumber and only get the damn answering machine when I call them.

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It takes a gutless mouse to play only when the cat's away.

No love, no friendship, can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever. ~~ Francois Mocuriac

Confucius say, "He who masturbate into cash register come into money."

An optimist looks at the glass and says it's half full. A pessimist looks at the glass and says it's half empty. A Cubs fan looks at the glass and says, "When's it gonna spill?"

Deus Impetitio Esuritori Nullus

Call the hardware. They have wrenches and answer the phone.

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I put a new battery in my bathroom scale and it still didn't work.

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It takes a gutless mouse to play only when the cat's away.

No love, no friendship, can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever. ~~ Francois Mocuriac

Confucius say, "He who masturbate into cash register come into money."

An optimist looks at the glass and says it's half full. A pessimist looks at the glass and says it's half empty. A Cubs fan looks at the glass and says, "When's it gonna spill?"

Deus Impetitio Esuritori Nullus

You never gained enough weight, it got bored.

Well, I wasn't gaining weight but the thing couldn't have been getting bored. It certainly hasn't been stuck on the same number for a long time.

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It takes a gutless mouse to play only when the cat's away.

No love, no friendship, can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever. ~~ Francois Mocuriac

Confucius say, "He who masturbate into cash register come into money."

An optimist looks at the glass and says it's half full. A pessimist looks at the glass and says it's half empty. A Cubs fan looks at the glass and says, "When's it gonna spill?"

Deus Impetitio Esuritori Nullus

You're right, that's what I should have done. Still not able to get hold of the guy. Just figured that since he was the one who worked on it a few months ago that I'd have him come take care of the situation now.

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It takes a gutless mouse to play only when the cat's away.

No love, no friendship, can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever. ~~ Francois Mocuriac

Confucius say, "He who masturbate into cash register come into money."

An optimist looks at the glass and says it's half full. A pessimist looks at the glass and says it's half empty. A Cubs fan looks at the glass and says, "When's it gonna spill?"

Deus Impetitio Esuritori Nullus

My station at work was about 3 feet away from this huge water cooled fan.

They moved it to the front of the shop.

Now I have no fan at all. Bastards.

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Well sir that seems to be someone else's problem.