Genital Warts
 

Hi, long time on-and-off lurker here... looking for a little advice.

Me and my girlfriend have been together for a good few months now, and she's recently revealed to me that a couple of months before we got together, she was treated for genital warts.

In my opinion, she was very brave, to admit this to me, and the fact that she trusted me enough to tell me far outweighed the bad news! I think she was a little confused that I seemed so pleased about it, lol


Anyway, I've been reading up a little. I'm trawling through pages and pages of the same information we've all been fed since high school: a useful reminder, but not really quite the information I'm looking for. I guess some personal experiences might help me out a bit here.

Has anyone been in my boat before? Basically, as far as I know I have not contracted the virus, although you can fairly safely assume assume that it is a very real possibility!

How can I minimise potential risks? What early signs of problems should I look for?

Obviously, if I spot anything then I shall seek treatment immediately.

I realise this may well be an unappealling topic of conversation, and no-body reveals this kind of stuff about themselves without a little embarrasment. I think many of you may be surprised to know that most sexually active people will have aquired at least one form of the virus, and that most don't even know it. Crazy, huh? For all I know, I could have been carrying a similar virus myself and not know it. Food for thought, anyway.

Thanks in advance for all your advice and comments, I know from past experience that you guys are a lovely bunch -I'd have never posted such a sensitive question otherwise. Thanks a million

L

By the way, I already searched and found this:

http://www.pixies-place.com:81/foru...t=genital+warts

It's useful, but I already have the facts and my girlfriend has previously sought all the required treatments... I guess what I'm looking for is relation of other people's experiences, and how to minimise risk without affecting our wonderful sex life! :)

www.webmd.com has a lot of information that seems pretty comprehensive.

Sorry I can't offer much more help than that.

Try searching for a site called Talk Sex with Sue Jo, she has a show on the oxygen network and gives facts with a bit or reality mixed in. I just love her.

I do remember her sayin that a Female Condom may reduce your risk of exposure because of it's greater coverage of the female genetial area durring sex. Just my :cents:

Definately, but it's a little impractical as a long term soloution -especially since neither one of us is very fond of using condoms together! Of course, we started out using them religiously, but when you get a few months into a long term relationship, the closeness afforded by unprotected sex becomes more important.

Thanks for the idea, though. I've got a feeling that there's not much more I can do than that, in which case I guess the focus ought to be upon detecting them early, huh?

Sue Johannsen does rock (and is a Canuck! :D )

Liam, I'm not too sure about genital warts. Can you both go to her doc and discuss matters? I may be mistaken but I think some warts may be contagious, others aren't.

yep, they, or at least some are contageous and they can cause big problems if left untreated. i would suggest using protection that would lessen exposure, avoid oral, wash well without anything that would scratch your skin, like a loofa. warts are viruses that live on all of us all the time. some we are immune to, some we are not. and they can spread more easily if they came in contact with damaged skin. they are also one of the only std's that i know of that can be picked up on toilet seats, underwear and similar things. the good news is almost all warts are treatable, so if you show symptoms, then get treatment asap. and as far as i know, you are just as likely to get a serious illness from genital warts as you are to get a skin disease from a plantars or other ones on the skin... as long as you get them treated.

Easier said than done!



Hmmmmm, good idea -I tend to alway scrub with some kind of gentle abrasive, like a sponge. Often together as well.




Come on guys, this is one of the most common infections in the western world, surely there must be lots of you out there with at least some personal experience! Are you just all too shy to talk about it?

Well, I have been in a monogamous relationship for 18 years. I have no personal knowledge of STD's and mind you genital warts is not an infection that can simply be treated, it's an STD. Women who have genital warts are at a much higher risk of cancer. I know young women who can not have children due to having contracted this STD.

I feel the casual, "we don't want to always use a condom" is careless bullshit. It is that very attitude that has caused STDs to spread like wildfire. Soooooooooo many college students have STD's like herpes and warts. There have long lasting and potentially harmful effects. Youth and passion seem to blind people about not only the risks they are taking but the risks they then pose to others.

If I had an STD I would never permit someone to have sex with me without protection. It's that simple. She has been your girlfriend for a few good months. Did you have a girlfriend before her? Might you have one or even a wife, after her? You don't mind risking their health too?


If you want someone to validate that loving people is beautiful, STD or no STD, I can do that for you. Having an STD means you made some poor unaware choices but it does not mean you are a bad person. Continuing to particiapate in unsafe, risky behavior once informed, makes you dumb or selfish. If what you want is people to tell you it's ok to have unsafe sex then I can't help you.

While I have no experience I can say if you choose to have unprotected sex you are choosing to be a host of whatever STD's you are exposed to. If you have unprotected sex with someone else afterwards, knowing you may be a carrier, you are not only responsible for the disease you carry but the spreading of it as well.

I know I sound hard hearted about this but I am really tired of the irresponsibility. I have kids who are going to be dating soon and I guess your post hit a nerve.

As everyone here said, you need to see a doctor and hear the information first hand then you can make responsible decisions about how safe your sex needs to be and if you need to protect future sex partners.

OK Lil,

First of all, thanks for your reply... although to be honest, it was more like a rant! Nice way to scare people away from these matters: something I feel we totally DON'T need. I totally understand your point of view, and I do agree with you totally, but I don't see how taking a rather stern attutude towards me contributes much. Besides, with this particular infection, there is no barrier that will effectively protect against it: this would still be an issue to us as a couple regardless.

I think a lot of people are completely missing the point of why I posted; I want to know how people practically live with these kinds of problems in their relationship. Comments like "go see a doctor" are redundant since we already have!

Also, you mention a significant risk of cancers developing. As I mentioned before, I've been doing a little reading up on the subject... roughly one in a hundred of cases are a type of virus that could potentially cause a cancer, and of these, only a small number will. This is by no means any kind of justification -just a bit of info you might find interesting. In the US, it is common to test for the type of virus; the NHS in the UK do not, which I was rather outraged at.

I don't know if you read my post earlier, but in the course of my reading, several authors have suggested that almost all sexually active people will carry at least one form of the virus, almost always undetected. Unfortunately, there are many specific combinations that will affect certain people, if actual warts develop then it would seem that you have been very unlucky! And, of course, since condoms do not stop the transfer of this virus, we really don't have any real way to inhibit the spread.

So, anyway, we're a good few posts into this thread and it doesn't seem like anyone wants to admit to actually having HAD an STD, which given the number of views is quite ridiculous -either you're all very lucky or just very shy!

Thanks anyway, everyone.

Liam,
I'm sorry you felt my post was a rant. My concern is that the same risky behavior that puts you at risk for STDs puts you at risk for HIV/AIDS. Some people seem so very casual in a *shrug their shoulders* way about continuing to expose themselves once having had some initial exposure and it scares me that they don't understand the consequences. I am so very glad you do.

The literature I read did not give percentages on the cancer rates but since I have had friends and family members who have had experiences that included cancer as a results of the long term effects of HPV so it does not seem so remote. Could you link me to those rates?

The last statistics I was given in college about 3 years ago on STD were that one in four college students had one. That number was to be higher than the general population from what I understood. These are some older US statistics regarding first time office visits for person being diagnosed http://www.cdc.gov/std/stats/tables/table47.htm

Here are some more current UK statistics http://www.avert.org/stdstatisticuk.htm

and old worldwide statistics http://www.avert.org/stdstatisticsworldwide.htm

I found this great info sheet http://www.siecus.org/pubs/fact/FS_truth_about_stds.pdf at this website http://www.thewellproject.org/Disea...ditions/STD.jsp

I understand your point that condoms are not 100% effective at removing the risk of spreading some of the viral STDs but my point was that future sex partners should be told prior to exposure that you made those choices and that by having sex with you, protected or not now, they risk STDs, vaginal & anal dysplasia, and cancer.

I think dialogue about this is wonderful. I'm sorry you felt I was stern but I personally think this is a highly overlooked topic. I am someone running a sex/erotica site. It would be irresponsible of me not to mention the risks associated with having unprotected sex with someone who is known to be infected with an STD. It has not been that long since I nervously awaited news from a friend regarding her possible HIV status because she had made a similar choice. That may have influenced my tone.

I think your assumption that because you visit a sex site the people there will ether mimic the STD statistics or possibly have had more exposure, might not be accurate. I think many of the members of sites like this are very sexually aware and not necessarily overly sexually active (at least with a partner;)). Many come here for a release of sorts. So that may have something to do with your lack of responses saying, "Me Too!" Also you may want to consider the fact that the bacterial STDs unlike the one you are exposed to are curable and since most people contracting an STD are under 30 and our membership here is primarily over that age, the possibility that the members here have a viral STD may not be as high as at a site with a younger population.

I think the fact that you are seeking support from others who are in a similar relationship shows a maturity that will enable you to make good choices in the future. I would suggest you look to your local heath authority for support groups for people living with STDs. Both you and your lady may benefit from finding a peer group that is experiencing the same hurdles you two are.

I applaud you for seeking information from others and if you think my post somehow prevented open dialogue, I surely apologize but having seen similar posts from people in your shoes, I think the likelihood of you getting the information and support you need from a website is small.

std's are something that many people must live with, and for most people who have one there are ways to deal with them without giving up any and all sexual contact.

but you must be cautious and responsible:
~always let a potential partner know beforehand.
~casual sex is out.
~keep up on all treatment.

there are some people who are willing to risk an std for someone else, but it's usually people who are in love. i've never had to make this decision, but if my husband had a treatable std, i would still choose to make love to him. i can’t speak for him, but i am fairly certain he feels the same way. we'd do everything we could to lessen exposure and if it was curable, we'd have waited for symptoms to subside, but basically it’s a no-brainer for me.

i was a little annoyed, but more so at your girlfriend. for her not to have told you before you guys got together was pretty irresponsible.

my post before was just some advice on how to live with it, since that seems to be the decision you made. my daughter actually has a few warts near her mouth and her dermatologist has prescribed a genital wart cream (of all the creepy things) to try and treat them before we have to try something invasive and traumatic to a four year old like freezing them off. so naturally i had questions, and i did some research on warts. lil has some excellent info links there, so check em out. you’ve done other research and it sounds like you’re going to be responsible. i think, if i may add my defense of lilith to her own ~not that she needs it~ …. she’s trying to tell you it’s nothing to fuck around with. i just wanted you to know that most std’s are manageable if you treat them properly. you’re pretty young to be giving up so much for her, but age doesn’t always tell maturity. you may know exactly what you’re doing.

Genital warts is caused by a virus. Treating the warts does not remove the virus. Men typically do not show the warts but are, instead, carriers. The virus does not just inhabit the bodily fluids, but can also be spread by skin to skin contact. Simply wearing a condom does not completely remove your risk of infection.

You should probably be tested for the virus. If you plan to be monogamous with her forever, then the virus should be no issue in your lives. Should you be having sex with others, then you are likely to spread the virus to others.

Genital warts is probably one of the most serious STD situations in the modern world. It spreads and it's dangerous to the women, in particular.

I also thought it was rather negligent of her to mention her situation after you'd had sex. I understand, but it's sure tough.

Personally, i have never had anything worse than yeast infections. BUT i have 2 very good friends that have Herpes. they are in a long term relationship with each other. When they got together, before they had sex, he told her that he had it and has had it since he was 17 (he was 28 at that time). He told her that he had never "given" it to his ex-wife, or his daughters' mothers, and knew when it was ok to have sex or not. She trusted him and not only ended up pregnant, but contracted herpes from him. She is acutely embarassed that she has this, as he was the 4th man in her life. the 3 previous were also long term relationships. she was the "good girl" and at times resents him for passing herpes on to her. there have been times when there relationship was a little rocky, and she told me that if they were to separate, she could never in good conscious have sex with another partner again. She would be devistated to know that she had transmitted to another person.

I guess with sharing this story with you, and her feelings of being "trapped" and sometimes resentful, do you think that you would feel that way? I know that from living thru this vicariously thru her, that i would feel that and resent my partner, and cause strife in our relationship.

As I have never had an STD passed onto me, I do have some things to say from my own experience from having unprotected sex when I wasn't in a relationship. It's not something that I would do again. As Lil and some of the other's have said, safe sex should be a number 1 priority for any couple of those one has an STD. Because I had unprotected sex a couple of times and had a blood test for STD's I can tell you now that the waiting is the hardest part and you start to re-evaluate your life. Not to worry I was given the all clear. But still it's the thought of "what do I tell my parents? my friends etc. How do I go through life with the consequences of my actions? What do I do now?"

I know that genital warts doesn't fit into the high echelon of HIV/AIDS but you run the risk of all sorts of nasties both as a transmitter and as a carrier. It just comes down to self respect and respect for your partner.

I once saw a caption for condoms on a vending machine. It said "if it's not on, then it's not ON."

As something that Lil was trying to point out, irresponsible behaviour has it's ugly side as well. You and your partner must take responsibilty for your actions. Take it from someone who has been there and come out ok at the end of the tunnell. It's as scary as hell and it makes you wake up to yourself.

Having read over your posts, it seems to me you think it's some kind of joke. Even with the advice given from other's in here you continue to think it is a joke. Maybe it's just me, but it certainly seems that way.

a couple more facts for you
 

This is a VERY difficult subject. I have been reading Pixie's forums for years now, but only recently registered myself. When I saw your post, I felt so strongly about it, that I had to post.

I have to agree with Lilith's tone 100%.

I will share something very private here in hopes it helps someone else.

My husband contracted the herpes virus from a previous girlfriend before he met me. He didn't know what it was and did not go to the doctor at first. He was in a "long term relationship" as you stated yourself. They did not use protection all of the time. She also did not tell him she had the virus until AFTER they had unprotected sex. When he showed a symptom, (a small break out of tiny pimple like bumps on his penis, that were very itchy, very red, and VERY painful) He went to the doctor. The doctor confirmed his fear. He had a form of Herpes. Which by the way has NO KNOWN CURE. He then confronted his girlfriend. She admitted to having the virus and not telling him beforehand. She assumed they were going to be together forever and it didn't matter. Basically this ended their relationship.

Fast forward a couple years and he meets me. I had been in 3 prior sexually active relationships. All of which I religiously used protection. My girlfriends would laugh and call me the condom candy girl, I had so many. I was ALWAYS careful.
When my husband and I started dating, BEFORE we had sex he told me he had the virus. We also used protection. When we were married, I got regular check ups and we used every precaution to insure I would not get the virus. However, as you have read above, the virus can be contracted through skin contact and men are mostly carriers. VERY RARELY did he ever have a break out. The virus goes from active to dormant stages. There is medication that can help keep it dormant for longer periods of time but it is NOT GONE and NOT CURED. Once you have it, you have it. Period. Our doctor told us the only way to acurately diagnose it is when you have an outbreak and they swab the area. (which can be very painful both physically and emotionally. It is one thing to discuss it with your doctor it is another when they have to "swab" the evidence.) Your virus can be in an active state and you can show no sign of it at all. You can pass it on to your partner even if you think it is "safe". And unfortunately that is exactly what happened. I now also have the herpes virus. My own mother doesn't even know that.

When I became pregnant with our first child my doctor explained to me that I could also pass the virus onto my child during the birth process. I was HORRIFIED!!!!! It is one thing being an adult and responsible for your own actions, taking all precautions but being aware of my concequences. It is an entirely different thing when your doctor tells you that your innocent babe growing inside you could be tainted for life with this horrible disease for being BORN!
No this is not a light subject.

As for your question about having a good sex life with her by minimizing the risk of you contracting the disease, I don't think you can minimize anything since you have had sex without condoms. Oral sex will pass it just as easily. My husband and I had NO oral without condoms, no intercourse without condoms, but condoms are not full proof. Sometimes they break. We believe that is how I got it.

We have been together over 10 years now and have no plans on ever getting divorced. But lets just say something happens. Divorce or death or something. I would NEVER have sex with another man OR woman for that matter, because I could not bare to pass this to another human being. It is a disease with no cure.
Genital Warts is in the same family as herpes, there is no cure.

My husband and I enjoy a wonderful sex life with each other, but sometimes we have to postpone our passion because one of us has an outbreak. It is a very serious, nasty, demon that rears its head in our life.


How we live with it is this: Forgive the graphic, less than desirable chat that follows.
When one of us has an active break out we do not have any kind of sex until it has subsided. This can take up to 10 days or more. We have found over time that if we do have sex during a break out it can spread and become worse or last longer. Most of the time it is me that has the break outs not him. I can be break out free, he thinks he is, we have sex and WHAM I break out. Hence the carrier adage again. Hormones I have found affect break out periods as well. Stress can bring on break outs. When you are sick and your immune system is down, you are more prone to outbreaks as well. We have noticed that if we avoid contact with cum we have less chance of breaking out. Anything that irritates your genital's sensitive skin can bring on a break out. Example: shaving. Shaving is not very conducive to keeping a healthy pubic area when it is nicked or has a shaving rash. Couple shaving rash with virul outbreak= double the pain. Neat and trimmed, clean and dry= best conditions. Cleanliness is key; both personal hygiene and bathroom fixtures. We have to bleach our tubs and toilets with a spray bottle after use to protect our children and guests. Bleach will kill the virus on contact. PLEASE don't put bleach on yourself, in a frustrated bout my husband tried that once. Not exactly the brightest thing to do. If you decide to add toys to your sex life, you must clean them thoroughly after each use. I'm not sure how long the virus can stay on them, but not thoroughly cleaned with warm water and SOAP they can cause outbreaks as well. Rinse well, soap build up can irritate as well. Do not use hand sanitizers or such, they can break down the rubber and destroy the toy over time, as well as irritate sensitive skin. Main thing is after you have had sex, it is a great idea to take a shower or bath. So no quickies before work unless you are in the shower. Any break down of your skin, your immune system, your hormones, or hygiene ivites trouble.

As you can see, this will be a part of your life. It will change how you have sex, when you have sex, how often you have sex, and where you have sex. You can't just go off in the shaded wood without thinking of what you have to do before, during, and after having sex.

With all of this in mind, you might think we have this problem to deal with all the time. In fact I have gone as long as a year without an outbreak, and as little as once in two. I have also had times where break outs occur every month for months at a time. But we have learned to adapt our sex life to create the least amount of break outs possible. It has taken us 10 years to learn. And has not been the best thing to have to deal with. It is ABSOLUTELY HORRID. It is the unfair, unjust, unfeeling, uncaring, disease that haunts us.

Our family and friends do not know. We have never told anyone besides our family doctor. I hope sharing this with you helps someone make good decisions in their life.

((((Lily)))) Thanks for your honest open information

The voice of experience is always the best teacher....thanks Lily :)